Joe Quesada Says: Ladies, Give Me Your Money And Shut Up

It's not often that I come across a quote from a major comic book creator that makes me go, "AAAAAAARGHSASHALBARGLRLE" with murderous fury and terrible rage. The reasons for this is that my expectations for socially progressive statements from the big two comic companies are staggeringly low.

So when a reader came out and said that this cover to "Marvel Divas" was sexist, I was extra impressed by Joe Q's reply ;

"If you’re Marvel reader and truly feel we’re sexist, then why are you reading our books?  Now, perhaps you’re not a Marvel reader, then if that’s the case, I’m not quite sure what you’re criticizing if you don’t read our books?"

Putting aside that the reader was concerned about an image, something that can be critiqued as soon as someone views it, this defense is completely bulletproof. I'm sorry, I meant "bullshit". Completely bullshit.

If you are buying Marvel Comics, perhaps because you enjoy some of the characters they have exclusive rights too, then you've immediately lost the right to question any subject matter in those comics. But if you're not reading them, perhaps because you found the cover of a comic you'd otherwise be interested in too demeaning to women, then your opinion is again invalid. Basically, this statement says; ladies, give me your money and shut up.

Now, to his credit, Joe Q goes on to give an industry answer to this issue; that if the book launched with a less sex-laden cover, it would never sell. He even goes so far as to say that "the book would be canceled before it hits the shelves,*" and defends the cover, saying "Is the cover image provocative, perhaps, but it’s no more or less than any other book we do."

I find this interesting, because by saying this, Joe Q acknowledges what he's denied the reader the ability to point out - that there is something wrong here, it's the industry standard, and what's more it's The Marvel Standard. A standard that they, with their huge market share and some of the most popular and iconic characters in the world, could fight against. A standard that they have no intention of ever challenging.

I don't know about you, but I don't want a comic company that's going to grumble, "Yeah, yeah, we know that we're not great to women, but what are we supposed to do?" and pushes Incompetent Professional She-Hulk and Domesticated Mary Jane statues on me. And I certainly don't want one that's going to tell me to shut up while they're doing it.

-casey-

* All I have to say to this is, "28 Issue Run."

Geoff Klock on Watchmen

So I have my own thoughts about Watchmen, but I wanted to first post some thoughts that Dr. Klock had over at Remarkable that I found spot-on:

I am wondering if the thing that makes Watchmen unfilmable is the fact that you cannot make superhero violence look anything other than sexy, at least because it requires a massive budget and budget means people who are not going to let you do violence in a depressing way. [...] Watchmen the comic is not supposed to deliver that particular thrill, but the movie does, and how can I fault a movie for delivering a thrill? [...] It is a mess and I would hardly hold it up as an example of great filmmaking; but to deny I had fun would just be dishonest, even if it makes me look foolish. I would recommend it to people only on this superficial level; as an intellectual thing, as a hunt to re-experience the craft and thematics of the book, avoid it I think. 

More on this from me, soon, but in the mean time check out Dr. Klock's blog for other interesting pop-culture commentary. 

Remarkable: Short Appreciations of Poetry and Pop-Culture

-casey-

Digital Dollars

Looks like I need to add some money to my Playstation Wallet and buy some Microsoft Imaginary Space Bucks. The downloadable content that's been released in the past week has been darn near insane in both scope and quality. 


Here's a rundown of what I'm picking up:

• Prince of Persia: Epilogue
• Mirror's Edge Time Trial Pack
• Noby Noby Boy
• Flower*
• Burnout Legendary Car Pack

As someone who only ever spends his money on whole Xbox Live Arcade games and Rock Band tracks, this is a whole lot of expansion content for one week. 

You'll also notice that Grand Theft Auto: The Lost and the Damned is not on that list. I will definitely be getting into why in a later post.

What expansion content do you guys buy? I'm curious if releasing stuff like this gets people to hold onto games they'd otherwise trade/lend/use as costers...

-casey-

*Yes, I bought this last week, but it was in the calendar week, so I'm adding it to the list!

Ninja-Star Power

I got stuck in Best Buy waiting for a friend today and ended up sorting through the DS games.

On the heels of the Rock Band PSP announcement today, I was surprised to discover that there is another, possibly more AWESOME portable music game that already exists;

Someone. ANYONE. Please make this happen. 

-casey-

Burnout: Paradise - "Panama" > "Paradise City"

I have been playing hell of Burnout: Paradise this weekend.

It's amazing how much I'm enjoying it, as I hate driving in general*, and driving GAMES specifically. But Criterion manages to take all the things that normally drag other games down - the simulation style controls, crashing once ruining your good time, and generally just smashing your opponents - and make it their trademark. Well done. Add on all the free content and DLC that they've put onto their platform and Burnout: Paradise quickly becomes an amazing game and an even more amazing achievement for a developer.

I do, however, have one beef with the game: The soundtrack.

Luckily, both platforms allow you to play your own damn music.

So presented here, in full, is my soundtrack for Burnout: Paradise. I shuffle the hell out of them, so pay no attention to the order. But know that all 48 of these tracks are perfectly suited for driving the hell out of cars. 

1. Panama - Van Halen**
2. Circle, Square, Triange - Test Icicles
3. Out of My Mind - The Konks
4. Back in Black - The Hives
5. Pump It Up - Elvis Costello
6. OLE! - The Bouncing Souls
7. PDA - Interpol
8. Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne***
9. Ms. Fat Booty - Mos Def
10. Nausea - Beck
11. Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love - Van Halen
12. Random - Lady Sovereign
13. Lyrical Swords - GZA & Ras Kass
14. Song 2 - Blur
15. Rock N Roll Train - AC/DC
16. Dancing Queen - Abba
17. Stayin' Alive - The Bee Gees
18. She Sells Sanctuary - The Cult
19. Positive Contact - Deltron 3030
20. Method Man - Wu Tang Clan
21. Here's Your Future - The Thermals
22. Troublemaker - Weezer
23. Bad Scene, Everyone's Fault - Jawbreaker
24. Do You Want To? - Franz Ferdinand
25. Bone Machine - Pixies
26. This is a Call - Foo Fighters
27. Teen Age Riot - Sonic Youth
28. Helter Skelter - The Beatles
29. Just a Gigolo (I Ain't Got Nobody) - David Lee Roth
30. Shimmy Shimmy Ya - Old Dirty Bastard
31. Hello There (Steve Albini Version) - Cheap Trick
32. The Power Is On - The Go! Team
33. Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
34. 99 Problems (Helter Skelter Mix) - Danger Mouse
35. Kiss Off - Violent Femmes
36. Tick Tick Boom - The Hives
37. American Hearts - Piebald
38. Hold Music - Architecture in Helsinki
39. Beat It - Michael Jackson
40. Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
41. Perfect Hair - Danger Doom
42. The Final Countdown - Europe
43. The Militia - Gang Starr
44. You Vandal - Saves the Day
45. Dirt of Your Shoulder - Jay-Z
46. Personal Jesus - Depeche Mode
    
47. Baba O'Riley - The Who
48. Highway to Hell - AC/DC
    

And with that, I return to Paradise City to smash things to tiny bits. 

I suggest you do the same.

-casey-

*I don't even have my license for realsies.
** Despite "Paradise City" by Guns N Roses being on disc, Panama by Van Halen is the perfect song for this game. PERFECT. 
*** Look, I seriously don't even want to hear about it, okay?

President Elect Barack Obama

Tonight, the night of Barack Obama's acceptance speech, I'm 26 years old. Raised by The Simpsons and taught quips by Mystery Science Theater, my generation is one that views everything through thick lenses of irony, touches everything through a heavy sheet of sarcasm. A group of friends gathered together to watch the election results ebb into CNN and throughout the night, hopeful and excited as we were, we mocked. 

We mocked presenters, gaffs in speeches, graphics and a Will I. Am hologram. This was a process we had all been excited about, an election that promised nothing but hope for all in the room, something of unprecedented importance in our adult lives, and we still mocked.

Then President Elect Obama came behind the podium, and began to speak. More than that, mere minutes after he was chosen by the American people, he began to lead.

While I could tell you many things about my reaction to this -  how I felt finally touched by this candidate who I'd listened to for months, how I was actually moved to tears, how amazed I felt to have a candidate who has won not instantly forget all he'd said for months - what is most telling is that for the duration of President Elect Obama's speech my friends and I sat in dead silence.

Not a word. Not a quip. No gentle teasing of someone in the crowd. 

For once I feel like someone has lifted the protective veil from the people of my generation and we're allowed to feel something patriotic and genuine all at the same time.

Thank you, Mr. Obama, if for nothing else, then for that.

-casey-

Coming Next: "Guy Holding Boom Mic" Star Wars Masterpiece Figure

You know, as a huge fan of characters like Blue Beetle, I can understand rooting for the minor characters. Sometimes they're more interesting or fun than the big guns. But I mean... Really? 

My friend Aaron likes to say "We all spend our money in different ways," but come on... Captian Antilles? The only thing dude did was get choked by Vader. Maybe I can cash in on this...

Coming soon from Casey Studios - 

Showcase Replica of that Sandwich a Jawa Ate From the Craft Table 

$79.99, Shipping Q4 2009

-casey-

Workplace Harassment: Dan Teasdale Edition

My office mate Dan ordered a Macbook Pro when they announced them a few weeks ago. Sadly, for him, it was broken. He sent it back, and then was swept away on a whirlwind press tour of Europe for our job.

Since he left there has been a steady buildup of packages delivered to his desk.

(read from bottom to top)

Casey Malone: Dedicated to being a jerk from a continent away.

-casey-

The E-Mail Saga of Casey & Earle

A few days ago a friend of mine directed me to a Craigslist post for the following rug: 

Yes, my friends. A Pac-Man rug. It also doubles as a Pac-Man game! At nineteen dollars, I had to have it. 


What I didn't know is that the man selling it was crazy, and that a simple copy-and-paste error would turn the process of buying a crazy trinket off of craigslist into three days of threatening voicemails and craaaaaaazy e-mails. 

Presented to you,with all of it's original formatting intact, is...

 The E-Mail Saga of Casey & Earl

Casey Malone to (craigslist e-mail):
Hi!
Is the Pac-Man game still available? I am VERY Interested in it!
Thanks,
Casey
339-2**-0***

A man named Earl calls me, and I tell him I'm interested in picking up the rug. He is skeptical about my sincere interest in the rug, for no reason apparent to me, but tells me that he'll e-mail me with a landmark near his home. Apparently he'll e-mail me a time to be there, and if I am at this landmark, he will direct me to his home. 

Earle does not give me any contact information of his own. 

I receive the e-mail with the location and time.

Earle to me:
THE NEAREST LANDMARK CLOSEST TO MY LOCALE WOULD BE THE WHITE HEN PANTRY
@ 56 RIVER STREET IN 01832
FIND THAT & YOU WILL KNOW HOW TO GET THERE
I WILL CALL YOU AROUND 4PM TOMORROW TO BE SURE WHETHER YOU ARE COMING OR NOT
IF I DON'T REACH YOU: I WILL NOT BE SURPRISED ( AS IT APPEARS TO BE A TREND OF SORTS WITH CALLER FROM CL; PRANKSTER "KIDS" ACTING AS IF THEY WANT TO BUY SOMETHING AND THEN DISAPPEARING LIKE GHOSTS)  NOT TO SAY tHAT THIS WOULD BE YOU BUT ONE NEVER KNOWS.
THANKS "CASEY"
TALK TO YOU TOMORROW!
SORRY IF I SOUND "SKEPTICAL" BUT THAT'S THE WAY CRAIGSLIST REPLIES TEND TO MAKE YOU.  SKEPTICAL.  ESPECIALLY THE ONES THAT SAY THEY'LL "STOP BY" THEY USUALLY DON'T. STRANGE PEOPLE IN A STRANGE WORLD. I THINK SOME SIMPLY REPLY TO ADS BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO REAL LIFE OR FRIENDS AND IT IS
THEIR FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT SOMEHOW.  OH WELL!  NO BIG DEAL. SOME DAY
THEY'LL GROW UP & GET A LIFE.  RIGHT?
HAVE A NICE DAY!

I'm a little confused by this e-mail, but nonetheless want that swank-ass rug. I go about my day, which at the moment involves occasionally checking the craigslist personals section.* One lady posted a really sweet ad about watching movies, going to shows, and playing videogames, which as you may notice is right up my alley. I send her a reply. Except... I don't. Instead of hearing back from a lady, I receive the following e-mail...

Earle to me:
ah, hey dude!
you just sent me an e-mail like it was a personal ad
kinda creepy!!
you had curly hair and glasses sitting next to someone with a light blue top & a straw type cowboy hat on
ah, whats up with that?
i'm a littleconfused and a little creeped out
i don't know why you would reply to my rug/game ad as if it were a personal
i'm a GUY anyways!!
LOL
so: let me know....what's up with that bud?
thanks
Earle

This about sums up my embarrassment. 

Casey Malone to Earle:
Ahhh... this is super awkward.
Basically, I copied and pasted your craigslist e-mail (sale-88481***@craigslist.org) and responded to you.
Then I opened up another ad, THOUGHT THAT I copied and pasted THAT e-mail
address into g-mail, but  I guess my computer never copied it, and just re-pasted your generic craigslist e-mail address into gmail.

Sorry about that, it was definitely not meant to go to you.  I guess it could have been worse?
 Again, sorry. Again, awkward.

-casey-

Earle to me:
yeah whatever..LOL
I just thought it was kinda creepy gettin a pick-up line from another
guy!!
I can imagine how you musta felt when you saw MY e-mail to you about
it!!!
LOL
no damage
BUT.....it was kinda funny
don't worry...I'm secure & I feel safe!!
have a good night
I'll call ya tomorrow

I go to bed, sleeping the sleep of a man who thinks he's getting a Pac-Man rug. The next day, I end up stuck in a meeting until after 4, the very time Earle was supposed to call me. As much as I like Pac-Man, I like my job more, so I didn't answer and instead let it go to voice-mail. 

The message left is angry, ranty, and condemns me for not living up to my "responsibilities" and "the commitment" I made. Earle leaves no number for me to contact him at. He instead promises he'll call me back at 5. I wait for his call, but at 5:15 I decide to head home. 

While on the subway, Earle gets my voice-mail a second time, and does not take kindly to it. He now sounds sad, but still like a nut-bar, and when I hear his second voice-mail that promises a third call at 7, I decide I don't really want to meet this man in a parking lot somewhere by myself. He calls at 7:40. I don't pick up. Earle isn't done with me.

Earle to me:
E-MAILED YOU YESTERDAY WITH WHAT THE PLAN WAS REGARDING YOUR ALLEGED INTEREST IN THE PAC-MAN RUG/BOARD GAME.  I CALLED YOU AT 4:30 ISH AND THEN AGAIN AROUND 5:45 ISH AND THEN AGAIN AT 7:30 ISH.  LEFT CASEY MALONE THREE MESSAGES BECAUSE YOU WOULD NOT PICK UP! SO: SEEING AS YOU DID NOT PICK UP ON THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS: THE BALL LIES IN YOUR COURT.  YOU CAN REPLY TO THIS E-MAIL IF YOU REALLY ARE INTERESTED.
    I AM NOT GOING TO CHASE ANYONE. YOU CONTACTED ME. REMEMBER?  SO NOW I SIT AND WONDER AS TO THE ACTUAL LEGITIMACY OF YOUR INQUIRY.  I GUESS I WILL SIMPLY SIT BACK AND SEE IF THE E-PLY COMES.  IF NOT.  WHATEVER. I WILL NOT BE CALLING AGAIN.  I DID MY PART. X 3! ALL SET.
      TAKE CARE & HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
GOD THIS IS SOOOO TYPICAL OF 50 TO 60 % OF C L REPLIES.
ALL I CAN ASK IS:  "WHY"?
GOD ONLY KNOWS!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah. I don't reply to this e-mail. I go to bed. The next morning, I get this...

Earle to me:
next time don't waste my friggin time you fruitcake creep
i called you 4 times the day you CLAIMED you were going to show
WEIRDO!

C.C.: FILED (C.L. HARASSMENT)

It's important to note, he didn't actually CC anyone... he simply typed "C.C." into the e-mail. 
I feel compelled to reply to this.

Casey Malone to Earle:
Earle,

I want to let you know, the reason I didn't pick up is that I was in a meeting at work during your first call. I listened to your voicemail, and found it vaguely threatening and overtly hostile, and decided it was a better idea to not deal with you.

Over the course of 2 more voicemails and a couple more e-mails I was proved correct.

Next time, relax more, and understand that no one is trying to scam you out of a $19 dollar rug.

-Casey-

Then, the final chapter of the saga... 

 Earle  to me:
damn man...you ARE a friggin weirdo
i think you actually WERE trying to pick me up the other day
dude, you ARE scary and i believe you ARE dangerous
DO NOT CONTACT ME EVER AGAIN OR I WILL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO CONSIDER IT THREATENING AND WILL IMMEDIATELY SEEK LEGAL REMEDY
1ST WARNING & ONLY WARNING!!!
GO AWAY
FAR FAR AWAY!!!
CREEP!
C.C.: CRAIGSLIST (HARASSMENT/THREATENING/ABUSIVE)

I don't know if there's a moral to the story. But that people still fear the internet enough to type in bold, red courier is god-damn hilarious. 

-casey-

*Yes, this is embarrassing a little, but I wanted to give you guys the full picture, and this is key information. 

Sackboy to Nikko - FUCK YO COUCH

Little Big Planet - Game of the Year.

Respect Your Audience

I saw a comedian earlier tonight. 

He was okay, some good ideas, but his big problem was one I see a lot in pop-culture (TV, comics, movies); an assumption that your audience needs everything explained to them.

While this was a recurring thread throughout his set, there was one bit in particular that really highlighted this problem and frustrated me. Here is the start of the bit, to the best of my recollection:

"I do have a little bit of a drinking problem, but I try to strike a balance, so I exercise. I try to run a mile for every beer I drink. This only ever becomes a problem when I start dating a girl who's really into exercise, and she wants to know what I do to keep in shape... and I eventually tell her that I run five or six miles a day."

At this point in the bit several people in the audience, including me, laughed. We had all already made the jump from "run a mile for every beer I drink" to "run five or six miles a day." This was a pretty good joke.

The comedian, however, looked surprised, stopped his bit for the breifest of moments and actually said to the audience, "Huh, okay, well, that's not the funny part..." and then continued the bit. He continued this story for two or three more minutes, eventually getting to the punchline of  explaining to the audience again that those miles were based on the number of beers he drinks. 

Now, it's important to note that some people did laugh. It was a fairly small crowd of people (maybe 30), and some of them only laughed once the comic got to the end of the long-winded version. But for me at least, by making me wait for a few minutes, he lost me completely. By adding this hand-holding two minutes to the end, the bit became inelegant, his tone seemed to change to condescending, and I became bored with it.

This sort of thinking, that people are too dumb to keep up, has permeated pop-culture, and serves as a reminder that reaching the "lowest common denominator" is something that can come from form as well as content. 

When creators dodge this, when they trust people are capable of understanding their work, then audiences more often feel engaged rather than confused, and focus harder to have a real dialog with that work. And when that connection is made, it's usually far stronger than had everything been spelled out for them.
  
If this comic trusted his audience more to be able to keep up with him, he might have gotten one big laugh instead of splitting it and losing half the audience, gotten an additional two minutes to squeeze a new bit into, and maybe gotten a new fan. Instead he just got a few small chuckles, an extra two minutes of no punch lines, and me blogging about how crappy his routine was.

Respect your audience and we'll respect you back.

-casey-

Let's Play The X-Men Guessing Game

Hey kids! 

Like I said in title, let's play the X-Men Guessing Game!

Q: Based on this panel from Uncanny X-Men #502...

...is Dazzler - 

A: Dizzy from holding her breath, and leaning against the door for support?
B: Posing like that to distract from what is a really bad X-Men costume*?
C: Traced from porn?

To get the answer, just drop a line to Marvel Comics at this link, and I'm sure they'll let you know!

-casey-

*And that's saying something.

For anyone wondering why the posts have been slow...

BLAME THIS ASSHOLE.

Missing the Point - Marvel Noir Part 2

Hey kids! Remember this post?

Well, our old pals at Marvel have put out the December solicitation for the first issue! Let's take a look...

"X MEN NOIR #1 (of 4)

Written by FRED VAN LENTE

Pencils & Cover by DENNIS CALERO

Variant Cover by DENNIS CALERO

"The coroner's men flipped the redheaded corpse over so Dukes and Magnus from Homicide could get a better look at her. 'Better' being a relative term in this case, with the claw marks that slashed her face into a featureless, bloody mask and turned her guts into a butcher shop explosion.

"But the tattoo -- the simple, encircled 'X' above the left shoulder blade -- remained intact, and Dukes pointed it out with the toe of his wingtip once Peter the rookie was done heaving up lunch.

"'See this ink?' he said. 'Means she did time at this reform school upstate, run by this shrink, Xavier...'"

32 PGS./Parental Advisory ...$3.99"

I think the writing here can be summed up by the following phrase: 

Butcher shop explosion. 

Butcher shop explosion. 

BUTCHER. SHOP. EXPLOSION.

Or, to demonstrate visually - 

-casey-

Oh god, oh god no...

I had a sudden horrifying realization.

Batman is a furry. 

-casey-

Missing the Point - Marvel Noir

For the past few months, Marvel slowly leaked the above teaser images to the comics press, until today they announced a new imprint - Marvel Noir.

Newsarama has the full story [here].

This imprint houses several upcoming mini-series, which will feature familiar Marvel characters in a 1930's crime setting, independent of any continuity, without any of their familiar powers or trappings of the super-hero genre.

Speaking of classic Marvel characters like the X-Men, artist Dennis Calero said of the premise, "What if they were conceived as pulp action characters rather than superheroes?"

My question is this: When you've decided to strip these characters of their powers which define them, of the genre conventions from which they were conceived, and the continuity that binds them to a largely unchanging existence, why are we even using these characters at all?

Is there any literary or entertainment value in simply putting the Gambit/Rogue love story in a different setting? At what point will Marvel stop pretending to do something new, and instead actually do something new?

Or will we forever see Marvel cycle through the same stable of 20 odd characters, never conceiving any new characters as pulp action, superheroes, or any other variety?

And not to beat that dead horse but are we to blame for buying these?

Show me something new, Marvel, and I will give you my $2.99.

-casey-

One sentence about Peanuts (part 2)

Snoopy is a spy for the Russians.

Today on MySpace

Presented on the new MySpace homepage:

New Metallica
Old Cheech and Chong
Chris Kattan in a NON-IRONIC FASHION

And finally... SADNESS

I'd love to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while...

Hey guys,

Real updates are going back to sporadic for the next week, since I just moved to a new apartment that's without internet.

However there is some concern that, without the constant typing and clicking that they've become adjusted to, my hands will shrivel up and fall off.

To combat that, I'll try to do little mini-posts at the end of my work day, thus keeping the semi-daily updates more daily than semi-.

Real post tomorrow, for now here are two songs to give you an idea of my mood;

Mates of State - California (Phantom Planet Cover)

The Cribs - Be Safe

-casey-

Get Free From the Middle Man

I defy you to not be totally charmed.

Julia Nunes - http://www.junumusic.com/